18 Miles, Am I crazy? What am I thinking?

Well, it has been a while since I last wrote. In short I have been at the ocean, in the mountains, and just plain busy trying to keep up with all the chores of everday life. With numerous things to write about from this past time period, I thought I would start off with my 18 mile long run this past weekend.

The past couple of months I have been struggling with running. I am still keeping up but my body and my legs in particular have been bothering me. I set out a few weeks ago on a 14 mile run and only made it 12. The week before last I set out on a 16 mile run and only made it 15. So not only was I struggling physically, I was struggling mentally.

In preparation for this long run I took every precaution I could. I tried to give my legs maximum rest, only running 2 miles and swimming from Thursday to Friday. I watched my diet to make sure I was getting good nutrients. I went to bed early enough to ensure a good night's sleep. Finally, I got up at 4AM on Saturday and spent some time preparing mentally for the run ahead.

My pastor has been preaching from the book of Philippians and in particular chapters 3 and 4. As I was preparing for the run I reflected on chapter 4. In this chapter Paul is thanking the people for their continued support in his ministry. He recently received a package from the Philippians and was expressing his joy with it. He made it clear that he was not in need but was thankful. In verse 13 he states that he can do all things through him who strengthens him.

He goes on to close this subject in verse 19 by telling the people that his God will meet all their needs according to glorious riches in Christ Jesus. In other words, the only thing that is needed is Christ to save us from ourselves.

So for 18 miles, this is what I was thinking about! What does it mean that I can do all things through him who strenghtens me? And if Christ is all I need, why do I feel like I have to do more? Both are great questions and for 2 hours and 35 minutes I contemplated the answers.

First let me say that I am not a theologian and that I am not sure if there is an answer that will make sense to everyone, but here are my thoughts. First off, as I was anxious about the run ahead my thought was to meditate on the words "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." By this Paul was saying that it is the One that created him and gave him talents that gives him the strength to go forward, so for me it was assurance that if He wanted me to make it 18 miles he would give me the strength to go forward.

One of the other issues I have is that when I run longer distances and fall short I see it as failure. It is logical that if you set out to accomplish one thing and it does not happen, you failed in your attempt. Ryan Hall, my favorite runner, always talks about running free. As I contemplated what Paul was saying about all my needs being provided in Christ Jesus, it hit me what it meant to run free.

Running free means that if I do not finish that is ok! It is not only ok, it could and may happen and that is ok becuase all that I need is to know that Christ died for me so I could have eternal life. Therefore, to fall short by a mile is not important! To not finish in a certain time is not important! To make a mistake is not important! The only thing that matters is that I know Christ and trust in Him!

With this going through my head I was on the Towpath at 6 AM and was running north toward 303. As I was getting started it was still dark and I could only see about 10 yards maximum in front of me. I could not see my watch so I did not worry about pace for the first 3 miles or so; I just ran with joy in my heart.

As light started to come out I started to be more conscious of my pace and the beauty that surrounded me. People were now starting to come by me on the trail and I was able to focus on praying for them and praising God for the beauty on the trail. As I past mile 6 I started to think about the turn around about 3 miles ahead. I continued to meditate on those two verses from the morning and my body felt really good.

I hit the turn around and at that point I felt really good. I wanted to make sure and not go too fast on the way back so I focused on a couple of guys in front of me and tried to maintain their pace. For the next 4-5 miles I followed them and stayed stride for stride with them. At around mile 15 they turned around and headed back to 303. At this point is where the spiritual and mental battle began.

I started to worry about not completing another run and only having 8 weeks until race day. I was scared and frustrated. However this is where the verse I can do all things through Him who strengthens me came in handy. I just kept reciting this verse and thinking if He wants me to complete this He will provide me the strength and the perserverance to go on.

This kept me going until mile 17. At this point my legs were hurting pretty bad. My hamstrings were getting tight, my calves were starting to cramp, and my lower abs were sore. I thought to myself and even prayed out loud to God, "Do you want me to complete this run? Do you want me to walk the rest or do you want me to run?" As I prayed God led me to run the last mile. As He led me this way I quickly said to Him, "If you want me to finish I need you to give me strength, wisdom, power, and perserverance to complete this."

And in true God fashion He did not fail me! As a matter of fact, He gave me more than I could have imagined. I turned my watch from time to heart rate and took off for the last mile. I wanted to just focus on finishing and give any and everything I had left to finish strong. As I was reaching the place where my car was parked and the end of the last mile I looked down at my watch and saw that my heart rate was 170bpm. I was exhausted and struggling to make it the last 500 feet.

When the last mile was finished, I looked down at my watch and checked the pace on the last mile. Wouldn't you know it was the fastest mile I ran all day? Not just by a second or two, but by 20 seconds. After 17 miles running each one somewhere between 8:30 to 8:50, I ended up running the last one in 8:08!

As I reflect on this run I think about my motivation and preparation for it. I think that if I tried to sustain myself I would have quit around mile 15. But my focus was not on myself it was on what God's will and plan was for me in that moment. It was not pain free! It was not what I wanted to go through! It was not easy one bit at all. What it was, was God's plan for me, and as I focused on Him my strength rose and I completed the run.

I challenge each of you reading this; I challenge you to analyze yourself and ask these questions. Do I believe in God? Do I believe that He is real? Do I believe He loves me? Lastly ask yourself ,what is the only thing that I need? If you could only have one thing what would it be? At the end of this week I will embark on a 20 mile run and I will do so with my heart and mind free that I already have the only thing that I need! Thank you Jesus Christ for all you have done for us!